I cried, then I found Jesus in a cupcake.

I cried, then I found Jesus in a cupcake, in a song, and in people’s willingness to love me, I found Jesus in their hearts.

When people meet me they are typically of two minds. Some think I am very transparent, and they value that I share so openly, others think I share too much.

But I think there are a lot of people hurting. I believe our struggles teach others how to overcome theirs. I believe every challenge has a purpose, every pain has a reason, and there is light in everyone’s darkness.

I believe we are all one big family, with God as our father, and that although we feel like strangers, there is a thread that connects every one of us, and if we look hard enough we see it.

We are bound together like a stained-glass window. Tiny pieces of cut glass, perfectly placed, to let just the right amount of light in, yet big enough to shelter us from storms. Each one of us a different color, shape, size, some of greater depth, some with harder shells, some with rougher edges, all with pain. Yet we form a picture that others admire, and stare at, as they try to figure out what holds us together.

It is love!

There is a lot of pain in our world. People are hurting, relationships ending, walls being built, bridges being torn down, and it all got to me.

I got angry, really, angry.
I was scared, uncertain, and I came undone.

I cried out to God, and I heard nothing.
I reached out, and got nothing back.
I felt alone.

I screamed at him.
I told him I had enough.
I wanted a miracle, I wanted to see the tiniest of blessings, I wanted to see some light in darkness.

I felt alone in the desert, thirsty for water, and he refused to bring me a drink. So, I told him I was done, I was walking away. I had enough!

What an entitled spoiled brat right?
I don’t get my way, so I walk away from God?

It runs deeper than that for me.
He is my best friend.
He has been there for me since I was a little girl.
We have cried together, hurt together, I have screamed out and he has comforted me.
He has walked me through my darkest, most gut wrenching days.
He is my best friend, my confident, the love of my life.

Now, at time of crisis, when my country is hurting, when people are scared, when we are more divided than we have ever been, people need comfort and to me, he says nothing.

I felt like he forgot me.
With all the pain and betrayal, I have felt from his “Church,” I was sure he finally gave up on me too.

Then I saw Jesus in a cupcake.
A beautiful, simple, cupcake.
Something that brings such pleasure and comfort, can be so delicate, and filled with such depth.

From the soft cake like exterior, to the luscious filling, a cupcake tells our story.
The outer shell holds us together, the frosting melts around the cupcake to protects us, and the filling is the heart of the cupcake, going deep into our souls. It’s what makes us who we are. Each one different, with varied fillings, and ingredients, but all bring comfort, love and joy.

Then I saw Jesus in a song.
As powerful words, poured all over me like a warm quilt. Each word, created from the heart, such meaning, such depth, such power to comfort, to bring hope, to heal, and to reveal the light in the darkness.

Then I saw Jesus in people.
Some friends, some strangers. People willing to be transparent. People willing to let me see their pain and listen to mine.

We are family, created by one God, for a purpose, and we are called to love one another.
When we share our pain, we heal someone else’s.

No, we didn’t ask to be born.  We didn’t ask for this pain. I don’t have all the answers.
All I know is, we never asked for such a gracious God, who loves us when we don’t deserve it, who is there for us, when no one else is, and who will never place judgment, or limitations, on his love.

With God, we don’t have to worry about what country we live in, what color are our skin is,  who we love, how we love, where are we going to church, if we go to church, if we follow him, or if we don’t.

He is our father.
He is our creator.
He will love us forever, even when it feels like others don’t.

Sometimes our circumstances affect us so much that we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Then he opens our eyes and it’s all clear. It was there all along, we were just too angry to see it.

So I will continue to be transparent. I will find the courage to share more of my story, no matter how much it hurts me, because I know when I share my pain, I might be healing yours.

I cried, then I found Jesus in a cupcake, in a song, and in people’s willingness to love me, I found Jesus in their hearts.

Now I see peace, I see courage, I see strength, I see beauty, in people who love him and in even those who don’t believe in him. I see hope, determination, perseverance, but most of all I see love.

I see people who have endured great pain, horrific loss, and personal struggles that have brought them to their knees, and yet they love.

They love not who they choose to love, but everyone.
They speak up, not just for a select few, but for all God’s children.
They seek to be the arms, the feet and the heart of Jesus.
“For they’ll know that we are Christians by our LOVE.”

I’ve been writing this blog for a long time, trying to re-create my life, and figure out what God wants for me. I’ve been cooking, and baking my little butt off.  I’ve been writing, processing, seeking new opportunities, and praying for an answer.

And when I was ready to walk away he answered my prayer. With all my health issues, I’ve never believed I would live a long life, but I want to live a live that matters, a life with substance, a life that shows love, comforts, teaches, reaches out, and to remind you that we do not have to cry alone.

So my stories here, and wherever God takes me, will continue. I will be more transparent than some like. I will share things that break my heart, but I know that I am a piece of that mosaic, a little rough around the edges, a little broken, but I am a piece of the family that God created all of us to be.

I believe that when we get out of our own heads, place our worries in his hands, and “look on up,” then he reveals the needs of others, we see their pain, we see their hearts, we see our mission field.

Love, just love.

I cried, then found Jesus in a cupcake,  in a song, and in people’s willingness to share their hearts, and to love me for who I am.

And my prayers were answered.

God is listening.
He hears me.
And now I hear him.

Be Still,
With great love,

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