Have you ever had one of those terrifying dreams that made you wonder if you’d have the strength to live through it?
One that made you re-evaluate your choices, the words you spoke, and your future plans?
My dream last night terrified me!
And I began to wonder if there was a reason for it.
Could the possible reality of this dream force me to make life changes?
Was God trying to tell me something?
In this awful dream, my husband was viciously murdered while trying to save a young woman from being gang raped. We identified him only by his feet.
It was gut-wrenching!
I couldn’t wake up. I watched this nightmare drag me through every moment, every scene of what came next, and I felt every emotion as if it were true.
I had no idea how to pick up the pieces.
I woke up shaking, sweating, and unable to speak.
Yet, for some, It’s a harsh reality.
Some people leave their homes, hoping to protect others, and never come home.
Some people never survive cancer.
Some people die way before their time.
Some people take their own lives.
Some people never get to grow old together.
For some people, till death do us part comes way too early, and in all cases, their families are left to pick up the pieces.
In this dream my life flashed in front of me.
Was I a good enough wife?
Was I a good enough Mom?
Did I tell him I loved him enough?
Was he proud of me?
Have I been good to myself?
Have I taken care of myself?
Have I created a life to sustain me, if anything happens to him, and I am left alone?
Have I given love to others who need it?
Have I loved unconditionally, or have I judged?
Have I had compassion for people and their struggles, even if I didn’t agree or understand?
Would I automatically run to Jesus for strength, or would he get lost in the shuffle?
I believe that dream was a sign, a message of some sort.
I think re-evaluating our life is good.
We look back so we can come to terms with things, and hopefully let them go. Then we look forward, to the changes we want to make, so we can become the person we want to be.
In my dream I lost my husband.
That was hard.
As I write this, a close friend cares for her husband as he battles ALS. To some, her life would be devastating, yet in the darkness, she is a light of love. Her husband is a beacon of hope, only able to communicate with his eyes, and yet he shows her how much he loves her every day. To me that’s hard, to them that’s life.
Today is the 1 year anniversary of a dear friend’s death. A man who showed love to everyone he met. He laughed through his pain, and never let anyone see him suffer.
Today will be hard for his lovely wife.
But I’m wondering, with all the blessings I count in my life, am I making life harder than it has to be?
Have I wasted precious moments worrying, being angry, living guilty, scared, or fearful?
I have a messed-up relationship with organized religion. I won’t go there, but I have a strong relationship with Jesus, and I have this theory when it comes to different denominations / churches who teach different things.
This is the conversation that goes on in my head.
I believe when we get to heaven God is going to say this:
You got it all wrong!
I told you to love!
Love your family.
Love those who have no one to love.
Love those who can’t love.
Love those who refuse to love.
Love those who have hurt you.
Love those you have hurt.
Love the stranger, the neighbor, the homeless , the animals, and yes, even the criminals.
Love people for their differences, and their varied opinions.
Love them for who they are, because I made them that way!
You can figure out an iPhone, the internet, and Instagram, but you can’t figure out how to love?
It’s not that hard!
Show love, be love, give love, for as I have loved you, I want you to love others!
Crazy huh? This is what goes on in my head LOL
I speak from experience when I say that sometimes we love others so much, we forget to love ourselves. We throw ourselves into their lives, and we forget how to live ours.
When that happens we get resentful, doubtful, fearful, guilt ridden, hurt, angry, then sadness takes over, and we wonder if we are even worthy of love.
Yes we are!
I believe Love heals!
So in this new year I am going to learn from my horrific dream and LOVE more.
I’m going to love myself enough to get healthy.
I’m going to love myself enough to get an education, and a new career.
I’m going to love, and support my husband so he can fulfill his dreams.
I’m going to love, and support my children so they can be all they dreamed of.
I’m going to love those who hurt me, and love those I have hurt.
I’m going to love those who need love, those who have no one to love, and those who don’t know how to show love.
I’m going to love love love, until I make a difference in this messed up world, because I never want to have another terrifying dream that makes me doubt myself as a Woman, Mom or Wife ever again!
I am not perfect, but God loves me, and with him I know I can do anything.
So Be Still for a moment, and read this with me.
It’s not to be preachy, that’s not my thing.
This was part of my wedding vows long before I realized it was a bible scripture.
HAHA I just realized, I know a bible scripture LOL
Anyway, I digress, Enjoy, I believe it can teach us how to love and love heals all wounds.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.