I have failed! Lets celebrate!

You are cordially invited to spend a few minutes celebrating with me!

Care for some wine and flowers?

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Maybe a flower inside your wine?
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Oh come on it’s gorgeous isn’t it?
Who doesn’t like a little flower inside their wine? Tee hee hee

O.k. so here’s the thing.

As my four loyal, but terribly bored readers will tell you, I have been a closeted writer for what feels like forever!

I was very nervous.
O.K upset,
O.K. scared
Fine!
I admit it, I was terrified!

I was absolutely, fall down, cry like a little girl, screaming, please someone like me, terrified to share any of my writing with anyone, because lets face it, I didn’t want you to tell me I was crap!

Then I read this amazing book called: You Are a Writer by Jeff Goins.

Jeff and I are besties.
O.K. we’re strangers, but he’s a writer I have grown to respect and I kid you not, it was as if the Lord released me of my fears, encouraged me and set me free.

I believe things happen for a reason. I believe the Lord has wanted me to write for a long time and I know I have been slamming the doors of opportunity in his face.

Then he puts this humble little man and his this tiny little book in my life and its changed my life.

I finally got it!

I have something to say AND someone to say it to!

No more panic attacks, no more condemnation, no more insecurities just getting out there and living like someone left the gate open, running free, with my tail between my legs, giving of my heart to anyone who wants to listen, and those who don’t apparently don’t need to.

I started to believe that everything that has happened in my life, happened so one day I could stand beside YOU and support YOU, love YOU and comfort YOU!.

The Lord gave me a heart to serve.
He gave me a heart that understands others pain, one that can relate and the need to be there for those who are hurting.

No one has to cry alone.

So I say this from the most honest part of my heart.
I have no idea what I am doing.

I am writing on this blog, “Recreating Me” and suddenly a whole new world is opening up to me that I never thought was possible, because I was too busy saying NO to God, slamming his doors to opportunity and being terrified.

I wasn’t living my life fully.
I wasn’t living the life he has planned for me.

I knew better, it was my way or the highway.
I was sitting somewhere on the 5 freeway, stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, about to go around the round-about from hell and he tossed Jeffs book in my lap to read and here we are.

So why are we celebrating?

Because I failed!
O.K. I didn’t actually “fail.”
I guess it really depends on your definition of “failing.”

I finally had the courage to send an article to a real editor of an online community and apply for a contributing writers position.

I have never done this before.
It’s been a dream of mine but I have always chickened out.

So I worked my butt off on the piece, I sent it in and then went to check out her site.

Then I realized something.

I am not a good fit for this job!

I am an “older” Mom.
O.K. a seasoned Mom,
A younger than 90 Mom with life experience.
I have lived more life in my 48 years than most have in 88 years.

My writing is a combination of loving the Lord, immense joy and the dark stuff, the pain, the hurt and the suffering that we all need to work through to become happier, healthier people.

I don’t sugar coat anything but I do look for and expect to find the light in the darkness because I know it will be there!

Yes, there will be curse words in this blog at times because I have failed miserably at walking on water and being perfect kind of sucks.

I have to be allowed to be 100% ME and lets face it sometimes life is really hard!

So while I was on her site, I was so excited to possibly write for someone else, I thought, “IF” she liked my piece I would be honored.

I’d have to change, I’d have to write fluff pieces but maybe I could do this.
Everyone has to start somewhere right?

Then she emailed back.
She said they have a “pretty well defined voice for the site and are looking for others who fit in that range.”

They didn’t want me.

WOW!
Gut meet fist. Someone just sucker punched me.
I felt like I just had the wind knocked out of my sails.

Not because I suddenly thought I was this amazing writer but because I put my heart and soul into that piece and it wasn’t what she wanted.

This was personal to me.
This was my life and I am a very emotional girl.
I take struggles, challenges and pain VERY seriously.

Then it hit me.

I didn’t want the job either.

I didn’t want to compromise my voice.
I didn’t want to compromise who I am, where I have been, the journey I have walked or devalue what I have overcome.

I wanted to be 100% true to me.
Then ironically, I remembered a line I had written in the article I sent her.

“I value myself enough, to never let anyone devalue me again!”
“NOT EVEN ME!”

WOW!
I am pretty amazing and kinda cool too!

So I am celebrating because I got my first no!
I have never received a no because I never had the courage to try and now I have!

Now I don’t have to worry about that first rejection letter ever again!

But most importantly I was gently reminded that no job, no matter how cool it seems, is worth compromising who I am to become someone I am not!

So CHEERS!
Thank you for sticking around and celebrating with me!

Care for a cupcake?

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