This is ME: Take me or leave me

I LOVE seeing positive thoughts posted.
I think they are beautiful, uplifting and heart changing.
A positive post can make a huge impact on someone’s life…

But what’s happened to us?

When did we become a society that is afraid to feel ALL our feelings?
When did we become people who are afraid to share our pain, to reach out for support, to seek the kindness of others, to hear someone else feels the exact same way?

When did we start crying alone?

We are human beings, not robots.
Life happens, some days are good and others totally suck.

Lets call it for what it is people.
It’s about being real and not fake.
It’s about getting in touch with ALL our emotions and being 100% authentic.
It’s about letting people see ALL of us not just the side we want them to see.

What are we afraid of?

They won’t like us if we have feelings?
If we are less than cheery everyday then people will label us Ms. Doom and Gloom?

If those in your life can not be there for you when you are happy, sad, hurting, crying, bitchy etc. then they are not worthy of being in your life!

When did Women become so closed off that we keep everything inside?
Women don’t talk like they used to. We used to share about our kids, our lives, and our pain but now we don’t talk about issues with your kids or someone might call you a bad mom.

Oooh and don’t complain about the hubby, someone might call you a selfish bitch for complaining about such a wonderful man.

The Dude is HUMAN not PERFECT!
And so am I!
Last time I checked I didn’t marry a cold, heartless mannequin!

He has his faults and so do I!

Seriously? Last time I checked women are still hormonal, emotional beings and sorry guys but your still men!

Were opposite sexes, we’re not supposed to be clones. ALL relationships take work and life is NOT a dip in the pool or miracles everyday.

We fight, we cry, we worry, and we need those in our lives who will ride the wave with us not spout of some snarky comment about how negative we are and make us feel worse.

Bottom line for me:

God is Good, all the time, he never fails me, but some days my body hurts, my heart is bruised, my emotions are shot & I am one New York second away from tears.

Some days I feel broken and useless, I count the mistakes I’ve made with my kids and my husband and I am certain, in “my” mind, that no one gives a crap about me.

At times, I can be very tactless and the words that come out of my mouth would make a sailor blush.

Those are my feelings. I will feel them, I will own them, and I will cherish them because they are mine.

They prove to me I am alive!

I was created by God to experience life for a reason and to learn from every high and every low.

I will work through them, I will process them & I will use them to raise me up and help me become the person I am proud to know & the person God intended me to be.

God wants us to live in community. To be there for others when they need us & accept the help of others when we need them with grace & love.

He wants us to share our experiences, our hearts, our happiness AND our pain, but how can we do that if we are not honest about who we are?

Who wants to confide in someone they believe has a cherished life?

Who wants to come to someone asking for love, compassion & support when all they see is happy, happy, joy, joy all the time?

That just breeds insecurity and makes those people seeking help feel like they are even more alone and doing something wrong in their lives.

Truth circle here people:
None of us have it all together.
We are all crying about something.
We’re all insecure & we’re all hiding pain.

We need each other. We need someone we can trust who we KNOW has been there done that and who won’t judge us!

Confession:
I have done the same thing I am sharing here.
I have limited who I share my pain with because I don’t want to be called a baby, or be told to buck up & cheer up or that I should be grateful I’m alive.

I am sick of the person I have become.
I am miserable.
For me to be happy, I need to be 100% me, all the time.
I need people in my life I can share ALL of me with when I need to.

To live a happy life, I NEED to help others. I NEED to be of service. I NEED to give all of me. I NEED to be a light, a comforter, ears that hear and arms that welcome anyone and everyone.

I NEED to be that person who others are certain they can rely on for compassion, love, honesty and truth.

No bullshit. Take me or leave me!
Don’t like me? That’s cool; chances are I wouldn’t like you either.
Not every relationship is meant to be, so lets wish each other well and go live happy lives, no hurt feelings.

I love hard and I hurt even harder.
I am a hard ass and I am very emotional, sensitive and in tune to others pain.

So, my truth..
I just moved to a place I am unfamiliar with. Change is hard no matter how many times you’ve moved or how amazing the area is you moved to.

I am trying to make friends and become part of a loving community but I am seriously a shy person who daily pushes herself out of her shell.

I am a cancer survivor with no chest muscles, no breasts and a damaged chest wall with limited mobility in my arms. Pain surrounds me daily but I use it as a compass to get me where I want to be.

I do fear meeting new people. I do have insecurities.
Will they like me? Will they stare at my chest?
Will I need help and no one will be there?

Simple tasks are hard and it kills me to ask but I do need the help of others.
When I go out, I get stuck in bathrooms, the doors are too heavy for me, so I bring help, use my feet or text someone to help me out.

Some days I feel broken and defeated.
Other days I feel blessed and determined.

This is the first day of the rest of my life.
No more airs and graces.
No more bullshit.
Just real feelings, real emotions, and the courage to move forward one day at a time.

My name is Kath.
This is my blog “Recreating Me.”

I am a wannabe writer with zero self esteem in my writing but full confidence in my ability to relate to people and reach into hearts and love on them through my words.

I am 47 and I have no college degree.
I met the man of my dreams and stayed home to with my kids and I cherish every memory.

Now with my “different-abilities”, I am limited on what I can do, I have no current work history, so I am not marketable when it comes to the “work force” & societies definition of “talent” these days.

But I don’t care because the work force does not define me.

I answer to God. He will light my path and guide my steps.

So have a seat, subscribe to my blog and hang with me as I recreate my life after raising kids, cancer, menopause, empty nest, addiction, eating disorders, self harm and who knows what else.

I don’t know where I am going but one this is for sure, I refuse to give up until I get there and I will NEVER cry alone.

God Bless,

~Kath~

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